I get that it's normal for all mums to feel like they are doing a terrible job. Most of the time I am pretty confident that my boys aren't going to grow up to be serial killers... but then I think "Ivan Milat's mum probably had some good days as well"... Anyway... I realise that there are little things that every mum does that people aren't going to agree with... It just so happens that I have done *pretty-much* all of them...
1) Both of my boys were formula fed. Oh the shock horror! I will wait while you pick yourself up off the floor. Seriously though, this is something that people seem to really arc up about, but the truth is, unless you have had to feed your children formula (and therefore know it isn't the poison people make it out to be) you really don't know what you are talking about. But people still find it an important thing to ask about. My grandmother rang me a few days after I had given birth to Flynn, and the conversation went like this;
"Hello"
"Hi Meg, it's Grandma. Listen I was just calling to ask if you are feeding Flynn..."
"Not right at this moment I'm not, no."
"No that's not what I mean... Are you feeding him... from your breast?"
"Oh... well yes... I am"
"Oh good! That's good. Ok well I better go."
...
With my firstborn, I lasted 10 days. My milk had come in big time, and I had developed Mastitis (also known as "Jesus what the hell is this burning torture kill me now") and was given a course of antibiotics which I was allergic to, and which also seemed to affect my milk causing Flynn to scream in agony for hours after each feed. I remember sobbing at the dining table when my husband suggested we switch to formula; not because I was particularly sad to give up breastfeeding, but because I was so upset at the thought of having to tell people that I was no longer going to breastfeed. People are always preaching about how women have a right to breastfeed anywhere they want, but I found myself with the opposite problem. I had to find somewhere quiet and alone so I could quickly make a formula bottle without people staring at me with either pity or distaste. At first I would pray that people would see the bottle and be mistaken and think it was milk I had expressed at home. But gradually over time as I saw just how much my son grew, and how happy and content he was, I began to realise something. I didn't really give a stuff what people thought about it! And so when I found myself with my second, at 3 weeks old and the same problems happening again, we switched to formula without any guilt And you know what? He hasn't grown any horns or sprouted a tail or contracted some disease either! Both of them are FINE!
2) I never co-slept with my boys. Nope. Not even when they were really little. Not even in the same room as us. I get that some parents LOVE having their kids on top of them at all times. That they find comfort in their little noises and smells and everything. I tried having a few naps in the hospital each time with my boys. Know what I found? I found that it got really hot and sweaty. And that my boy would randomly strike out and wake the tiny amount of sleep I was getting. And most of all, I found that my boys could smell the milk, and so they wouldn't settle. Flynn slept in the nursery in the hospital from the second night on, and Ryan did the same when he arrived. The moment they were wheeled far enough away from me they would go straight to sleep.... and so would I. Granted, we did try having Flynn in our room (in a bassinet) when we got home from the hospital. After several hours of him crying for milk, drinking it and then vomiting it back up because he was too full, my husband wheeled him into the lounge room. Flynn fell asleep immediately and slept a good 4 straight hours. From then on, he slept in his own room. Ryan didn't even get a night in our room. He went straight to his nursery. And you know what? Both of them are FINE!
3) I have let my boys "cry it out". This one is a clincher. If people didn't think I was a terrible mum by this point, oh boy here it comes. The truth is, sometimes you just need a moment. A little space of time to chill out and take some deep breaths and have a moment. And sometimes, they just won't give you a moment... Don't get me wrong, if my boys cry, I will check to see if they need something first. Nappy change? Hungry? Cold? Hot? Thirsty? But if they are just whinging for the sake of whinging?? Hell go for it boys, because Mum is going to be sitting outside trying to ignore it! FYI - this hasn't stunted their growth, or given them complexes, or made them think they aren't loved. If Flynn does hurt himself or ever needs comfort he will still come to us for cuddles. He still runs to give us kisses and hugs before going to bed each night, before blowing us extra kisses at the hallway. He doesn't huddle in the corner rocking back and forth plotting our demise.
4) I fed my child "packet food". Calm down! I said "packet food" not "rat droppings dipped in acid". Rafferty's Garden was a godsend. I tried to make some homemade purees for Flynn. He wouldn't have a bar of it. But he would devour Raffertys. And no, its not because they are full of preservatives (they aren't) or chock full of sweeteners (they aren't). He just simply preferred them. The amount of times I had to see posts from worried people about off food and blades (that's right BLADES) found in packet foods, well if I had rolled my eyes one more time they may have fell out. Yes, I agree SOME packet foods aren't ideal... but Australia also has higher standards. The most frustrating thing out of the whole bloody issue is that the people who have decided that packet foods are horrible are usually unable to accept logic at all. "What's that you say? The PACKETS are the thing that keeps them fresh? and that if I put my own homemade purees in those PACKETS they would also stay that fresh? No... you must be lying Meg. That can't possibly be right. It's much more logical that these companies are finding a cheat way around the strict Australian rules and regulations and pumping the packet food with chemicals... that makes MUCH more sense (and makes me feel superior while attempting to justify the hours I slave at the kitchen)"
Cue the eye roll again...
5) I don't question everything I do. And I'm not going to. My kids are great. Flynn is a funny, engaging, and smart toddler and I bet that Ryan is going to follow suit. If I spent every moment of every day worrying about whether they were learning enough, or at the same level as everyone else their age I would never have any time left to actually ENJOY my kids. I'm not an idiot. I'm not going to hide my children in a freezer for fun. I wasn't an idiot before I had my boys and I'm not an idiot now. Common sense is greatly underused by a lot of new parents, because they seem to forget in the terrifying shift from "couples" to "parents" that they do actually KNOW things. I just want to grab some new mums by the shoulders, shake them and say "You got through your life this far without setting you or anyone in your general vicinity on fire... you're not an idiot! You got this!"
No comments:
Post a Comment